When a college friend recently posted on her Facebook status that her tween girls are “full-on obsessed” with Lady GaGa, I was a little disturbed. Personally, I’m in those gap years, when I’m too old to know what’s hip firsthand and my kids are too young to show me the light. But Lady GaGa made it even to my radar, through an AP article about her music being included on a list of songs deemed to espouse unhealthy relationships. This is who young girls idolize? I decided to investigate.

After watching the video for GaGa’s “Bad Romance,” my first thought was “Madonna circa 1984.” Madge was pretty racy back then with her sacrilegious rosaries and writhing on the ground dressed as a vampish bride. “Gonna give you all my love, boy. My fear is fading fast. Been saving it all for you, ’cause only love can last,” she crooned in ‘Like a Virgin.’

Though I credit Madonna back in the day with influencing me to wear black lace up boots, black rubber bracelets and a single dangly star earring, I don’t think she led me into any imprudent behavior, at least none that I probably wouldn’t have engaged in anyway. If anything, her old songs seem almost sweetly simplistic now.

So is Lady Gaga more of the same? She certainly has many of the same hallmarks. Booty shaken music, sexy moves and outrageous outfits. But there is something darker, more troubled there. “I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it’s free,” she sings in “Bad Romance.” At the end of the video, she’s pictured smoking a cigarette next to her love object’s smoldering corpse.

I have to admit, it’s visually engrossing. And I like a performer with the moxie to take some risks. But is that who I would want my tween daughters fawning over? Not no, but hell no.

Which is precisely a big part of her appeal, I’d imagine. The teen years are when we begin developing an emotional life outside our parents protective embrace. Parents, loving us as they do, often resist this process. By picking fashions and music that drive our parents crazy, we prove to them our independence, albeit in a very peer-influenced, trend-following sort of way.

It’s important for parents to respond — the whole point was to send a message, after all — but too little says “I don’t care” and too much can stick kids in the mode of permanent rebellion.

In the end, I think the parent’s answer to Lady GaGa should be to watch what they’re watching, talk about what it means to them and know that at the end of the day, you the parent represent a much more significant role model that any scantily clad pop star.

Tags: Lady GaGa, music, teens, tweens

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